No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind Hardcover – September 23, 2014
Author: Visit ‘s Daniel J. Siegel Page ID: 0345548043
Review
“With lucid, engaging prose accompanied by cartoon illustrations, [Daniel J.] Siegel and [Tina Payne] Bryson help parents teach and communicate more effectively.”—Publishers Weekly
“A lot of fascinating insights . . . an eye-opener worth reading.”—Parents
“Insightful . . . The ideas presented in this latest book can actually be applied to all of our relationships, as it will help us in many circumstances to be able to calm down, have empathy for another person, and then communicate in a constructive way about our concerns and proposed solutions. What works to help children learn and behave better might also help our world’s leaders and large groups of people get along better, as many of us adults failed to develop these mindsight skills as we were growing up and we tend to sabotage our relationships with others as a result. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, or just a person who wishes to learn to get along better with others, you may find some valuable insights in No-Drama Discipline.”—Examiner.com
“Wow! This book grabbed me from the very first page and did not let go. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explain extremely well why punishment is a dead-end strategy. Then they describe what to do instead. By making the latest breakthroughs in brain science accessible to any parent, they show why empathy and connection are the royal road to cooperation, discipline, and family harmony.”—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of The Opposite of Worry
“Using simple and clear explanations, practical advice, and cartoons that make the how-to guidance come alive, this book is a rich resource for families trying to navigate meltdowns and misunderstandings. It explains how neurobiology drives children’s infuriating and puzzling behavior and will help parents make their way through the trenches of a typical day with grace, mutual respect, and a good helping of delight.”—Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
“What a relief! Siegel and Bryson take the difficulty out of discipline, for parents or anyone who has to help kids behave. No-Drama Discipline offers a research-based, commonsense approach that any grown-up will be happy to use, and any kid will benefit from.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
“Frustrated parents often ask me why the disciplinary techniques they are using with their children aren’t working, or are even making things worse. I have not always known what to say, because I was not always sure I understood what was going wrong. Now I know. No-Drama Discipline unlocks the secrets of discipline: what works and what doesn’t, and why—and what to do when you are pulling your hair out. Simply put, Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s insights and techniques will make you a better parent. I know I will be using the concepts from this extraordinarily helpful book for years to come.”—Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of Raising Cain
About the Author
Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., is clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, the founding co-director of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, and executive director of the Mindsight institute. A graduate of Harvard Medical School, Dr. Siegel is the author of several books, including the New York Times bestseller Brainstorm and the bestsellers Mindsight, Parenting from the Inside Out (with Mary Hartzell), and The Whole-Brain Child (with Tina Payne Bryson). Also the author of the internationally acclaimed professional texts The Mindful Brain and The Developing Mind, Dr. Siegel keynotes conferences and conducts workshops worldwide. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife.
Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of the bestselling The Whole-Brain Child, which has been translated into eighteen languages. She is a pediatric and adolescent psychotherapist, the director of parenting for the Mindsight Institute, and the child development specialist at Saint Mark’s School in Altadena, California. She keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. Dr. Bryson earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, and she lives near Los Angeles with her husband and three children.
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Hardcover: 288 pagesPublisher: Bantam (September 23, 2014)Language: EnglishISBN-10: 0345548043ISBN-13: 978-0345548047 Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1 x 9.6 inches Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies) Best Sellers Rank: #2,117 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #8 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Child Psychology #10 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Reference #12 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Child Psychology
This book has a lot of great stuff in it and equally, some stuff that left me scratching my head….Let me explain.
We’ll start with the great stuff first. They talk about connecting with your child a lot. The idea of getting off parenting "auto-pilot" so you are not reacting anymore, but rather, intentionally engaging in the situation in order to use these moments to teach our children what they need to learn to promote better behavior next time. All of these are great assertions and really, for me, the point was simply, don’t react, or punish in anger, rather, assess the situation and figure out what lesson my child should learn from our post-tantrum encounter and do what I can to teach that lesson, instead of just teaching them tantrums=time out. I should be teaching them HOW to communicate with me BEFORE the tantrum. Now, that being said, none of this will happen over night, but if you allow your emotions to be removed from the anger/drama cycle and react as a teacher, rather than a victim of their poor behavior, over time the drama (especially on the parents’ end will be gone).
Now for the stuff I wasn’t so comfortable with….There is a graphic in the book that supports their main point of
"The No Drama Cycle"
"Communicate Comfort">"Validate">"Listen">"Reflect">"Communicate Comfort">>>continues in a circle
I had a hard time with this because I felt like this was all about stopping and gauging your child’s emotional reaction to why they are making that poor choice or melting down. On the surface, that doesn’t always sound like a bad idea, however, my 5 year old figured out that if she starts to melt down, she gets undivided attention.
With the advent of advanced neuro-imaging techniques, the field of brain science has made rapid gains. We now know so much about how the brain functions – which brain regions control which processes and functions, how sensory inputs are processed, how memories are created, stored and accessed, the roles of different neurotransmitters and hormones in creating thoughts and emotions, and much more. Perhaps this information can be used to understand how different parenting styles affect brain development and, hence, the intellectual, social, emotional and moral development of children. Perhaps this brain-based information can even help develop a set of general guidelines or principles for best practices for child-rearing. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have spent much of their careers doing just that.
They have developed a simplified framework for understanding how experiences shape brain development and, hence, child development. In short, the brain is made up of two dual, opposing systems. First there is the "left brain" and the "right brain". This book does not talk much about this duality (which I believe is more developed in their book THE WHOLE BRAIN CHILD). Very simplistically, the left brain is the logical, linguistic side, while the right brain is the holistic, emotional side (it’s actually a lot more complicated than that and both sides are integrated through a massive cord of fibers called the corpus callosum).
More germane to this book is the "upstairs brain" and the "downstairs brain". The upstairs brain consists of the cerebral cortex, especially the pre-frontal cortex, which handles executive functions like judgment and impulse control.
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